just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Randomize