oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize