The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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