I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
