when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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