You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize