We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
When did angry sex become our thing?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
