Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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