Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
