Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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