Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I can text with my tongue
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
