Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
