..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
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