Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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