i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
