id be glad to
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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