she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
