you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
