so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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