and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
