im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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