the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize