so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
