I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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