He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
