just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
