I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Randomize
