My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
