I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
