she woke up with a sticky ear
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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