I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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