Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
