normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
