All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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