When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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