Capitaan dildo arrescate!
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I just want to make out with him forever
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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