sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
