Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Randomize
