No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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