When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
high people should be assigned attendants
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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