You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
