So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
