his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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