Nicole vs. Life
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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