she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
