Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
