Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
