so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Its about making memories worth repressing
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
