this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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