What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
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