some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Maybe he injected his testicle?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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