Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Randomize
