Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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