Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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