i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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