Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
