Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
