The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
