ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
