Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
