Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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