I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize