so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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