Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
