Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
