it wasn't lemon gatorade
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
