Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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