omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
