I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
