I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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