Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
