dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
