Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
